It has recently come to my attention that many 'sports fans' who
flood to the nearest pub or bar to watch a sporting event, are simply
incapable of following a simple set of rules. A set of rules that I
believe are not only conducive to a happier watching experience, but a
set of rules that I believe to be conducive to happier world. Why, you
may ask, are people are seemingly incapable of following these rules, if
they are so 'simple'? Well, marginally indifferent reader, I have
become increasingly more aware that people are, well......... stupid.
Therefore I have taken it upon myself to inform and hopefully teach the
handful of people that stumble along here, how to be a better person.
Not that I am for a moment suggesting that you, the reader are stupid.
You're the exception, you special little snowflake!
1. When
entering a bar, or public house, please be aware that you are not the
only person in the building. I know this is a tricky concept to grasp
but if the chimp learned how to use tools, I am fairly confident that
the human race can learn this premise. By this I mean, do not dawdle by
the door, creating a choke point. Move into the room, and clear the
doorway for those of use craving nicotine or simply wanting to leave. I
understand that you may wish to find your group or procure a seat, but
this can be done from better places than the doorway.
2. When
walking between viewers, please move quickly. People do not mind moving
if you ask politely (please dont say "move", that helps no-one), but
people do mind you being in the way of an exciting game for more than a
second. The quicker you are out of the way the better.
3. In the
same vein, when finding somewhere to watch, use your eyes. Before you
stop moving, look around you and see if you are blocking someones view.
If you are....... move. This is potentially the most irritating thing to
happen at any event that doesnt involve fighting and death, and frankly
can lead to both. To be clear, a viable spot to watch the game is not
wherever you fancy standing. If you are unfortunate/late enough to not
have a seat then stand next to the wall, out of the way of the sitters.
This seems simple, yet incredibly people still do it.
4. And so we
arrive at the last in the short list of simple rules. That is this. If
you are not watching the game, then do not sit in the seats near the
television. People wish to sit there, and there is ample room elsewhere.
There is little less annoying that having your intense watching of a
game you have little stake in than someone whittering on about Made in
Chelsea, or talking about some girl that had been 'given a good seeing
to'. Not only is this pointless, banal talk irrelevant but also simply
rude and not needed. If you must talk about celebrities or brag loudly
about your latest conquest do it in the company of some who cares an
iota, not in my ear shot.
Seems simple enough to me but then I am a
horribly nit-pickingly blowhard. None-the-less I am confident that the
world would be a little brighter if these rules were observed, or
perhaps even hung-up in pubs and bars across the world, maybe a set
could be issued upon entry to the establishment. Although perhaps I am
getting a little ahead of myself.
Forever frustrated with humanity,
Thank you and good night. Ben the Depressed Man
